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Have a fan!!!
Created by Dan Brunell, the idea is to simply complete the sentence.
You Know You’re an F1 Fan When…
- you celebrate all of life’s achievements with a bottle of champagne sprayed all over the place.
- you start the car, you swerve all over the road trying to warm up the tires.
- you get into an accident, you walk away in frustration blaming the car for “failing.”
- you hear the name “Iceman”, you don’t necessarily think of the movie Top Gun.
- you instinctively follow an emergency vehicle with its’ lights on, thinking it is the Safety Car.
- you substitute the word “rain” for “wet” in casual conversation.
- you shop for a car based on your favourite team or driver.
- you feel comfortable wearing ugly clothing with company logos all over it.
- you come to a turn you think “braking zone, apex, accelerate.”
- you can say that one man slammed into the back of another without giggling or seeming awkward.
- you schedule your weekend around three hours of television.
- you rev the engine after you start your Volvo.
- this idea has entered your mind at one time or another: “If I seduce, then marry Tamara and get a quicky divorce, can I get the F1 stock in the process? It’s not like she would care about it?”
- you look more at your rev dial than your speed dial.
- you know that there are other drivers on the grid other than Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso.
- you wish you would have gotten an Aeronautical Engineering degree instead so you could apply for a job at one of the teams.
- you buy horrible video game after horrible video game just because it’s the only F1 game.
- you keep old video games so you can relive past seasons.
- you complain about how your car is set up.
- you have more Formula One related links in your favourites folder than all of your links combined.
- you race the car in the next lane at a lighted intersection.
- you record the audio of an old Playstation game to get Murray Walker’s commentary. (“He’s into the barriers!” “Oh no!” “He must be shedding buckets of adrenaline in that car!”)
- you have a race on video featuring Senna and Prost and can go back to almost any race in the last 8 years… my wife doesn’t understand!
- you remember when Formula One wasn’t going to court or in some sort of crisis.
- you have seen more video of Max with his pants on than off.
- you ask the salesman at the auto lot how much downforce that rear wing creates.
- one of your requirements of a new house is that the cable/satellite provider of the area carries Formula One.
- you move items around your shopping cart to get the balance right.
- you feed a baby, you make a sound of a V12 engine when doing the “here comes the race car” feeding thing. (I don’t know what it’s called, I don’t have any children… that I know of.”
- you start associating products with the performance of their F1 team. For example, Red Bull is ok but their associated brand tastes a lot better. You won’t buy a Honda because they are slow and you won’t buy a Toyota because they are bland.
- you stop by your local tyre supplier and insist on Michelin, hoping to rekindle the last great tyre war.
- you start each journey playing The Chain and celebrate reaching your destination with a short burst of your National Anthem.
- you slipstream every truck you pass on the motorway, first jinking left to try and wrong foot them.
- people give you strange looks for watching live timing and yelling “Kimi just went purple in sector 2!”
- you say “Senna-esque”.
- you fill your car up in kilos not litres of fuel.
- you get up at ridiculous times in the morning just to watch it live.
- you watch the race with the live timing on your laptop.
- you have an F1 related desktop for your laptop/computer.
- you have the sound of F1 cars as your ringtone.
- you can’t go a whole day without talking about it.
- most of your RSS feeds are F1 related.
- you want to re-watch an exciting Grand Prix several times.
- you start yelling at the TV during ITV F1 coverage.
- you can commentate on a race better than James Allen.
- you go mad during the off season ebcause you miss it so much.
- you start having dreams about going to a Grand Prix.
- you provide your own commentary whilst playing F1 06 on the PS2.
- you pretend the upstairs landing and the curving staircase in your house is the Loews hairpin at Monaco, and you even mimic using a steering wheel every time you go down it (don’t ask…)
- you have “Grand Prix Sounds” on your laptop, and your favourite track is “V12 at 17,500rpm.”
- you have a song on your laptop actually called “Formula 1″ (it’s a guitar instrumental by Joe Satriani and Steve Vai, if anyone’s wondering.)
- you subscribe to the F1 Readers’ Panel just so you can ask Frank Williams, Damon Hill, Juan Pablo Montoya, etc. questions, and when you check the local shop every day around the release of the new issue just to see if it’s out and if your question’s been picked.
- you download the F1 season review videos you haven’t seen so you can say you’ve watched every one from 1989 to 2007.
- you find a video on YouTube of a Honda V10 “Suzuka Special” F1 engine on the testbed being simulated going round Suzuka and you can drive the circuit in your head just listening to the engine note and even pinpoint the gear changes AND what gear the gearbox is in.
- you subscribe to an F1 podcast on iTunes, listen to it as soon as each new episode is released, join its Facebook group and then begin discussions starting with: “You know you’re an F1 fan when…”!
- you refuse to buy a Honda, Toyota, or even drink Red Bull until they improve their results.
- you find you can shave 0.05 seconds off your drive to work by putting two wheels on the kerb of the round-about at the bottom of your street.
- you add a team’s name into your own child’s name. My newest son’s name is Logan Lloyd Mclaren Hanninen.
- 2 tenths of a second over about 5Km is a huge difference.
- you think its perfectly normal to name car parts afer bits of animals and then translate them into german.
- you think A1 is a race instead of a band.
- you name your daughter after an F1 engine (Mercedes) and you name your son after a team (Jordan)…. Hey, wait a minute…. Dad!
- you wonder why anyone would want to “get a Life.”….
- you keep complaining to your mechnaic that the gear ratios need to be lengthened, the ride height lowered, and the suspension stiffened on your sedan, and you know exactly what you are talking about….
- in your automatic transmission car, you keep your hands at the 9 and 3 o clock positions just so that you can catch yourself up and downshifting with the imaginary paddle gearshift.
- in your automatic transmission car, you find yourself left foot braking as you can go accerlate faster around corners that way.
- listening to American TV (Speed Network) you find yourself wondering who on earth were / are:”Alex” Zanardi, “Jack” Villeneuve, “Tiger” Takagi, “Max” Papis, “A-Lane” Prost, “I-air-ton” Senna, and you do not bother correcting “Andrea de Crasheris” for Andrea de Cesaris.
- you remember when the tires were thin and the drivers were fat!
- you are still mad at Nigel Mansell for beating Jackie Stwart’s most wins record with Mansell’s 28th win….
- you still believe that Gillies Brother Jacques would have been world champion if Jacques had a top notch car in 1981….
- you find yourself talking about (and maybe even watching) a sex video of a 68 year old man with five prostitutes.
- every time you stop in a petrol station you keep pressing the brake pedal and you wait for someone to hold a lollipop in front of your car.
- you know that the greatest champions are not necessarily the ones who won the most
- you barely notice the off-season, because of testing, news, etc.
- you buy an ipod just because you found sidepodcast.com
- you play two hours on your playstation before every race weekend, so you can understand, learn or remember properly the track.
- you watch every qualy and race live no matter if it’s 4 or 5 am in your country
- the first word you read on the newspaper when you were 5 was…….Benetton. You wonder why? My mother is a fan too…. so she cut for me every piece of newspaper involving F1 since I was born and when I learned to read she gave it to me…. I actually spent like 3 months reading every single paper (very slow reader back on that days haha)
- you check to make sure your steering wheel is in place every time you get out of the car even though it is not removable to avoid a hefty fine.
- to Jordan’s list, may I add: Phillip Massa, Roobens Bought-a-kilo
- making a pass has nothing to do with flirting … or pushing.
- Okay, bit of a preamble here: I jog in the morning and it’s still chilly enough to have to wear gloves and long sleeves. Of course, when I get going, I warm up — but not warm enough to take anything off. I remembered once seeing Heikki in an on-board shot of a race on a really hot day. He had folded his gloves forward. So, one morning on a jog, I tried it. And I concluded (you know you’re an F1 fan when) you fold forward your gloves to cool your wrists … on a run. (And it really works!)
- you see a $100,000,000 fine as tough, but fair..
- you fill you car only with the precise amount of fuel required to reach your destination..
- you refer to slow cars on the freeway as “Force India”..
- you instinctively pull over and penalize yourself 25 seconds whenever a red car cuts you off in traffic…
- You try to find out if anyone anywhere on the island of Kauai gets Speed channel so you can watch the USGP grand prix while in Kauai for your wedding and honeymoon :) (we never found anyplace that had it and managed radio/tv/news silence till we could get home and see it on Tivo – which was impressive since it was the year of the USGP tire debacle)
- if asked, you list your favourite colour as “carbon fibre”
- you get into your car for your morning commute and at every red light you keep the revs up and at the green light you peal out to leave rubber down as to practice your own personal pit stop
- you live in the US but still spell tyres with a y
- you take your car into the shop to have said tyres replaced because they were “graining”
- you encounter a head wind on your bicycle that slows you down and you explain to your friends that “there was a problem with the wind tunnel calibrations”
- you answer most questions with “for sure”
- every other house in the neighborhood sports an american flag while you’re flying your teams flag.
- you have BMW-Sauber’s driver’s autographs framed about the fire place yet there isn’t a Grand Prix within 4000 miles of your house
- you have to talk to the judge, and say that your mirrors just were just usless after a crash.
- you can pronounce ‘Francomshamps’.
- you don’t support Ferrari.
- you name your cat after Schumi’s dog (so sad i know, was a long time ago).
- you still wear your Honda team shirt with a sense of pride
- you pause the post race press conference,and know you’ve got something special when it catches an image of Kimi with an actual smile (pretty sure happens once every few weeks)
- we sit in a sports bar full of Super Sunday football yobs to catch the race with no sound on a tiny, fuzzy TV
- you spend the time to put precise liquid paper stripes on your tyres before hitting the windy roads
- you find youself saying “the team’s worked really hard, I’m happy with the car, it is definitely performing better.” after a trip to the local jiffy-lube.
- you say, with a look of concern “he really should pit now” only to hear the same thing a few seconds later from the SpeedTV commentators.
- the only reason you upgrade your cable TV from the “practical package” to the “overpriced deal” is for 90 minutes of goodness every few weeks.
- you sat through 500 laps of NASCAR left turn dumbness just to check out Montoya. FYI, I still love the Skittles flushed down a toilet analogy ;-)
- you look forward to listening to Sidepodcast shows even after you know how it all went down…
- you play the new Mario Cart game on the Wii and think the starting lights were stolen from Ferrari.
- you find very similar Obama speeches to Hamilton press conferences
- you do full race distances on F1 video games late into the night and wake your sister up with the shouting when Ukyo Katayama carves you up while you’re lapping him.
- you have conversations with the TV about exactly why changing to intermediates on that particular lap was the worst decision since Hitler invaded Russia as though you secretly hope that an F1 team scout is listening at the door and will sign you up as their new pit strategist.
- you queue up at the gates of Silverstone at 1:30 in the morning.
- you can name every drivers’ and constructors’ champion since 1950 and get it right every time.
- when you rush to the kitchen during ad breaks and pretend you make your coffee as if you’re part of a pit crew.
- your pub quiz team instinctively looks at you any time an F1 question comes up.
- your childhood hero was Adrian Newey, and you DID do a degree in Aeronautical Engineering.
- you don’t wake up for early morning races – you STAY up for them.
- you buy these ‘realistic’ F1 games year in, year out
- you start providing the races on said games with your own commentary and pit radio-conversations…
- ING savings accounts become attractive
- you openly despise Ferrari yet would kill to own one of their road cars
- you reply ‘for sure’ to be politically correct in every conversation
- you get annoyed Kwik Fit don’t stock Potenza’s and feel disgusted when offered ‘Continentals’
- you get annoyed ITV mention the ‘white’ stripe again
- you like pitstops and the slow reeling in of an opponent
- you miss Brundle’s pit walks in the off season
- you plan your holidays around GP weekends
- you name the characters on Mario Kart after Formula 1 drivers. Such as Baby Mario as Sebastian Vettel.
- you give a speech about Formula 1 and one of the questions is ‘Why do you like it when all they do is go around in circles?’
- you never miss an opportunity to argue with NASCAR fans about how Nascar is NOT real racing.
- you are logged into the Toyota launch site 12 hours before the event :doh:
- you hate Nick Fry.
- you move your in-laws 50th wedding anniversary party so you don’t miss the season’s kick-off in Melbourne.
- you play the Duke CD; Red Noise: The Sounds of Italian Racing Cars at high volume whilst driving the afore mentioned Volvo
- You’re okay with sleeping in the porta-loo at Whittlebury Park because your tent blew away and your friends with the car aren’t arriving ’till Sunday
- you relate everything to the sport and tell everyone to be quiet whilst explaining.
- you can point out the breaking points on every corner of every circuit, the apex speed that is the most optimum and the correct gear to be in after learning them on your F1 Playstation game.
- you know you are an f1 fan when you can spend 15mins reading this thread
- you know your an alcoholic when you spend your last 5 dollars on mouth wash to get you drunk. Oh sorry wrong room…..awkward….
- you question whether the aero on the car in front is creating dirty air or a useful slipstream.
- you make engine noises, downshifts and upshifts when you are going for a run, to you a stone in your trainers is graining and a hole in your trainers is a puncture.
- you drop into the petrol station for a splash and dash.